SadandAlone

This is the only place I feel free to post my feelings right now, im about to rant so just ignore me. Every night I take out my .44 mag and play russian ruellet with a special bullet that has no powder It has been struck 227 times since I started doing this Jan 1st 2012. Every time I wish it was a loaded bullet. Tonight it was struck for the 228th time.

Today hasn't been good at any point. Its sad but my life has fallen into a rut of crappy things happening, its so bad that a crappy day has taken the place of a normal day. I'm so very tired and angry that I feel that I'm loosing self to the darkness. No part of my life is anywhere near where it should be and whats even worse is that looking back just one year I'm worse now than I was, true I have only cut 2-3 times in over a year but the feelings of rage and suicidal thoughts have become more frequent and stronger than ever. To compensate for not hurting myself, without thinking about it iv taken to hurting things. I know things don't fee